Though newspapers are becoming obsolete these days, there is still a need for jaw-dropping headlines – only now we read them on the internet instead. Here are some of the most newsworthy events of the past few weeks:
Child Stuck to Doormat: Mother in Hysterics
Last week, during Sacramento’s torturous heat wave, a mother decided to take her son to see a puppet show at Fairytale Town. As they reached the front door, the mother realized that it was going to be blazing hot outside, she left her son on the mat (inside the house, with the door still locked) and preceded to run to the back “terrace” super quick to water the upside down tomato plant hanging from the roof. Upon returning from her one minute trip, she found her two year old yelling, “Mama! Stuck!” at the top of his lungs. Evidently he had tried to undo his velco sandals and had velcroed his foot to the mat. The mother laughed hysterically as she undid the velcro and refastened the sandals.
Even Cute People Get Boogers
On the way to Fairytale Town, still giggling from the Velcro Doormat incident, mother and child quietly cruised along Interstate 80. The mother was feeling sentimental – thinking that she loved this moment in time, spending the day with her son, providing him with new and exciting experiences. An avid babysitter and teacher, she had waited her whole life to become a mother. Reveling in the moment, she looked lovingly into the rear view mirror at her perfect little boy, so young and innocent. Her eyes were met with the cutest of ugliness. Her beautiful son, quite possibly the most adorable kid on the planet, had a gigantic booger smeared across his right cheek. Yes, even cute kids get boogers. Worse yet? It was gone by the time they arrived at their destination. Where oh where did it go? Maybe we don’t want to know…
Child Imitates Father’s Love
Coming home from work one day, a mother walked in the front door and was greeted by her wonderful husband. “Hi, Love. How was your day?” Without missing a beat, their two-year-old repeats, “Hi Wuv. I ee eh day?” The mother smiled for miles.
Two-year-old Prepares for Acting Career
As we all know, injuries are commonplace in the life of a two-year-old. Picture this: Child falls, child cries, mom asks, “Are you okay?”, kisses all around, then all is well. Well, one dramatic child is milking this scenario for all it’s worth. Envision this if you will: Child pretends to fall down. Child pretends to cry, and yells, “Ehhhh, ehhhh, ehhhh. Mama, ee boo boo!” Mom asks, “Are you okay? Where are you hurt?” Child holds up toe or finger. Mom kisses said boo boo. “Better?” asks Mom. “Yeah, all butter”, replies Child. This occurs several times a day. Watch out Hollywood! Or maybe the NBA?
Child Poops in Potty – A Family Rejoices
Last night around 7:30, a boy stood in the kitchen as his mother folded laundry in the other room. “Mama, poo poo!” he cried. The mother came running, swooped him up, and gently placed him on the potty just as said poop broke free. The mother clapped. The boy clapped. The dad was called. And THREE chocolate chips were earned that day.
Child Makes Do in Tough Economy
In these tough economic times, kids have learned that they cannot always have their heart’s desire immediately. They must be patient and save, appreciate what they DO have, and make the best of each and every situation. So, with that in mind, what does a musical toddler do when he has no microphone to sing into? Why, he uses a sprinkler head of course!
